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The way to
successful separation and transition
The first days/weeks at school are a time of adjustment. We
all should recognize that each child’s adjustment period will vary
depending on his/her age, temperament and prior experiences. Even
children who usually say goodbye cheerfully can sometimes feel
anxious.
In my experience as a preschool teacher and through the
educational press I’ve found what helps children and parents adjust
and make the transition easier.
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Make the
transition a gradual process that acknowledges and supports
children’s feelings. Talk about upcoming event. Ask your child what
are his/hers feelings about the preschool.
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Parents
should visit the preschool and be able to ask questions and get
answers from teachers. Make sure that the first official
day of attendance is not the first time your child has seen the
school. It is great to have a play date at preschool with your child
(we highly support the play date idea and you are welcome to come
with your child and have a play date before the official day).
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Take your
child to your work to visit and talk to him/her about where
mommy/daddy will be working whiles he or she will be at school.
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On the first
day of the preschool let your child “call the shots”. Help build
your child’s confidence and excitement by letting him/her decide
what she/he will wear and what he/she would like in their lunch box.
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At BunnyBears
we ask parents to stay with their children for first couple days.
This will greatly ease the separation for both the child and the
parent. During those days we ask adult to observe their child and
verbally assure the child that they can feel secure and explore the
environment. It also would depend on each child’s personality and
maybe some of them will be ready to stay at the preschool the very
first day (I’ve had children in my experience where they were ready
to play and stay at school the very first day! After the morning
meeting they were telling their mom/dad to go home!)
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Don’t sneak
off. If a parent disappears, the child then learns not to trust the
parent, and it only makes the situation worse.
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Don’t just
drop your child at the door. Help him/her get settled in.
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Establish a
goodbye ritual. It could be your child drawing a picture for you to
take to work or you reading a book before you leave. You could have
your very own special goodbye chant with kisses and hugs. We have a
sand clock at BunnyBears, that parents can use to show to children,
when the sand will go down they will have to leave. Children also
can wave at our goodbye window…
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Be
matter-of-fact about leaving. Even if you are hesitant yourself, put
on a brave face and tell your child you must leave – and then leave.
If your child seems extremely upset, acknowledge his/hers feelings
by saying, “I know you are sad that I am leaving. I must go to work
now, but we will see each other after you play, nap and play again…”
If your child cries when you leave him/her, you can always call us
and ask how your child is doing. Most of the time they will be fine
by then; and if not, we will be calling you.
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Don’t
criticize yourself if your child cries. Distress is simply one sign
of your child’s attachment to you. On the other hand don’t be
concerned if your youngster runs off happily.
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Provide extra
TLC. Big transitions can be as unnerving as they are exhilarating.
Be sensitive to the hugeness of this change in your child’s life.
Even big preschoolers need to be hugged and cuddled sometimes –
especially at a time like this. Minor regressions are expected, such
as thumb sucking or the rediscovery of an abandoned blankie.
Remember that your child isn’t quite as big as he looks yet.
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Reassure
yourself. Parents are often just as distressed as their child about
their first days at school – sometimes more. It can be tough to put
a happy face when you feel guilt, sadness and grief. Try to focus on
the good things that a preschool program will do for your child: the
opportunities for learning and friendships and personal growth.
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At BunnyBears
we support the separation feelings through art, storytelling (where
children often talk about a girl or a boy who is feeling sad,
because the mommy left), puppetry (where children are also able to
act out their feelings through puppet characters). We read Family
books, listen to soft music. Soothing sensory play such as pouring
water and bird seeds, as well as rubbing lotion on children’s hands
helps children to relax.
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The other
very important part of successful transition is transitional objects
from home. It could be your child’s favorite sleeping toy, blankie,
dad’s T-shirt, picture, book… Anything that goes from home to school
and at the end of the day from school to home is a transitional
object. I knew a boy, whose mother would have to come back to school
for his very special pillow, if they would forget to take it at the
pickup time. We do not serve lunch at BunnyBears, because we believe
in a power of lunch brought from home. It is great transitional
object that is very soothing to children. We also let children take
a book home from school and bring it back the next day.
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After
transition time is over we like to reflect on how far children have
come. Separation is not always a straight line. Children from age’s
two to five will show distress seemingly out of the blue. Possible
causes include breaks in the family routine and other difficulties
at home or school. Often when the reason surfaces, the parents,
teacher and child can work together to try to solve it.
Take some time to do research and find resources to help you learn
and become better prepared for your child's early years.
The National Association
for the Education of Young Children is a great resource to help
you find some answer to common questions parents have regarding
their child's development and successful transition.
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